I'd Tap That (Twice)
by feytwilight
Summary: Everyone knows that Tony Stark loves Bruce Banner. Everyone knows that Steve Rogers crushes on Iron Man. Nobody told them that Tony Stark and Iron Man are one and the same. Cue adventures in Identity Porn, features OCD Tony and Tony in Glasses.


I'd Tap That (Twice)

Tony Stark, hero extraordinaire of superness and awesomeness lay sideways on the leather Lazy Boy on the Avengers common floor. A pair of sedate rectangular glasses sat on his nose. He peered through them at the Starkpad that rested on his knees as he read the most recent issue of S.I. Magazine. A picture of the new ARC reactor powered car that he had developed hovered on the magazine cover in all its shiny red glory. The bolded yellow words underneath the car made him snort derisively, 'We put the Arc in Stark!' He swiped a finger on the pad to turn the page and tapped the border of the device twice after he did so.

Dr. Bruce Banner walked in a moment later holding an old-fashioned paper book, _eww paper_, Tony thought, under one arm and a mug of tea in his other hand. Stark heard him enter and quickly pulled off his glasses, hiding them in the folds of the recliner. Banner noticed him abruptly and froze in indecision. He looked at the empty couch in the middle of the room and then at Stark and then his eyes swung back to the couch. Bruce swayed a little backwards as if thinking of running away. Tony studied him, his deep intelligent eyes taking everything in. He arose, snaking a hand out for his glasses and quickly depositing them in his pocket smoothly.

"Hey Brucie, nice to see you out of your molehill, or molelab, or fortress of labitude, or whatever. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I left Dum-E in charge of the workshop while I've been out, which is always a bad idea." Tony looked around and then lowered his voice as if divulging a secret. "He throws bot parties; you just can't imagine the mess. I mean you probably could, what with you being a Wiley Coyote Suuuper Genius. But you just can't say no to the guy, he gets so damned exited; I mean if he had a tail he'd wag it and cause a miniature tornado or something." He tapped his lip considering. "Which now that I think about it, would be awesome, yeah Dum-e is so getting a tail, actually I'm going to go and do that like now, sooo yeah, see ya around Brucie." Tony backed out of the room as he gestured over his shoulder. Bruce finally found his voice and the room to interject in Stark's rambling monologue.

"Wait! Tony." Bruce shouted. Tony stilled, looked over his shoulder and cocked his head.

"Yeah?" He asked. Bruce motioned to the room at large.

"This is your home, I don't mean to kick you out." He said. Tony flashed a million watt smile at him.

"You're not, and it's your home too now, besides I've got loads of other homes even if you did manage to kick me out, so there." Tony said playfully. Bruce shook his head and forced words out past his thick throat.

"I mean… I don't _want_ to kick you out, stay, please." Bruce asked, a pained expression on his face. Tony stared.

"Oh…kay. But I'm not the best company you know?" Tony asked carefully. Banner's mouth quirked at the corner.

"Neither am I but I think we can manage to share a room together." Bruce said. Tony contemplated the other man for a minute, and figured that he probably didn't mean that the way it sounded, or even realize how that sounded. Tony pried his mind out of the gutter, shrugged to himself and resumed his spot on the Lazy Boy, while Bruce perched himself on the edge of the couch, setting his steaming tea on the coffee table in front of him. The room filled with awkward tension as the two men began reading. Tony held the Starkpad closer to his face as he squinted at the letters in front of him. Bruce sipped his tea as he licked a finger and flipped a page of his book. They threw each other covert glances when they thought the other wasn't looking, until their eyes inevitably met. They both looked away at the same time.

"So what are you reading?" Tony asked lamely. Bruce flicked his eyes toward Stark.

"The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins." He said. Tony nodded as he peered at his device, brining it even closer to his eyes.

"Ah, you like it?" Tony asked conversationally. Bruce smiled a little.

"It's intriguing, what are you reading?" Bruce asked. Tony waved one hand airily.

"Nothing much, just the newest issue of Stark Industries Magazine. Pepper and the PR department always insist I look it over before they publish." He said. The silence stretched between them for several minutes.

"Oh. So, um, the weather's been nice." Bruce said gamely after a while. Tony snorted and looked over at him incredulously.

"Seriously, the _weather_?" He asked. Bruce ducked his head over his book and griped it tightly.

"Sorry, I… I haven't done the casual conversation thing in a long time. The people I worked with were generally in too much pain or distress to discuss anything that wasn't necessary, especially with a foreigner. I also avoided people as much as I could unless they needed my help, so, I may have lost touch with the whole social..." Bruce trailed off. Tony sighed and snuggled himself deeper into the chair.

"I…see. Right, so the weather's has been pretty nice recently." Tony offered.

"Lot's of vitamin D." Bruce agreed.

"Yeah, important stuff." Tony said as he tapped the side of the device twice after sliding the page. Bruce glanced over at him again.

"Are you alright?" Bruce questioned before returning to look at his book and flipping another page. Tony's head lifted sharply.

"Why do you ask?" Tony asked.

"Your Starkpad seems to be squashing your nose." Bruce said calmly. Tony pulled the device back to his knees, flushing.

"Maybe I always read like that." He said nonchalantly.

"Maybe." Bruce said, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. Tony frowned at him and rubbed at his eyes.

"You're really into that whole nonaggression thing aren't you?" Stark asked.

"What?" Banner asked in a baffled tone. Tony waved a hand.

"Never mind, I guess you would have found out sooner or later, but keep it to yourself okay?" Tony reached into his pocket and brandished his glasses. Bruce looked at them noncommittally.

"What's wrong with wearing reading glasses?" He asked softly, readjusting the ones sliding on his nose. Tony shook his head.

"Nothing per se, but I have to certain image to project and glasses just aren't in it, besides, they make me feel like an old man." Tony said looking at the spectacles in his hand dismally. Bruce smiled at the genius's vanity.

"You're not that old." He said. Tony grimaced.

"Old enough to feel it, they also make me look like a nerd." He said. Bruce studied him seriously until Tony met his eyes.

"You invented mechanized battle armor for your body guard, a flying car, created one of the most advanced AI's I have ever heard of, and you house the Avengers. Trust me on this, you are a nerd." Tony resisted a smile as he straitened himself in the chair and leaned toward Bruce.

"I dare you to say that to my face." Tony threatened lightheartedly. Bruce smiled, closed his book and leaned toward Tony until they were a few inches away from each other.

"A nerd you are." Bruce said, his voice mimicking Yoda.

"Hey guys what's up?" Clint said as he entered the common room on his way to the kitchen. Bruce and Tony swiftly pulled away from each other. Tony shoved the hand with his glasses into his pocket again. Bruce blushed and gulped some of his hot tea and Tony frowned at Clint. Clint looked between them both and grinned raising both his hands as he started backing away. "Oh, carry on, don't let me interrupt you."

"Clint, do you mind? We're having a-" Tony began.

"Moment?" Clint interrupted.

"Discussion." Tony finished with a glare. Clint nodded sagely.

"Right, is that what they call it nowadays? I'll have to inform the Captain, we're trying to update his slang." Barton said.

"It's not like that." Bruce muttered. His face shoved into his upside down book.

"Not like what?" Steve asked as he entered the room with an empty water bottle in hand. Bruce groaned while Tony shared some of his glare with the Captain.

"Hey Cap, Stark's becoming Bruce's sugar daddy." Clint said happily. Steve looked at Tony and a reddening Bruce blankly and then turned to Clint.

"Uh, he's sweet and…adopting him?" Steve guessed. Clint slapped him on the shoulder.

"We've really got to work on updating your slang, man." Clint said with a grin.


End file.
